Establishing these basic connections lays the foundation for emotional safety.It is this safety that allows us to go out into the world and accomplish our daily tasks.

validating hurt feelings in a relationship-30

We really don’t know what it is like for them and we need to learn what they have experienced.

Generally, when people feel understood they are more open to receiving help and locating a place of calm within their soul.

While the answers to that question are many and often complex, there is a growing body of research suggesting that there are four negative risk factors- four negative behavior patterns that create barriers in a marriage and increase a couple’s chances for marital failure.

In one key studiy, researchers followed a sample of 135 couples for twelve years, starting before they were married, and were able to differentiate those couples who do well from those who do not, with up to 91% accuracy.* My experience of working with thousands of couples over the past seventeen years is definitely congruent with these findings.

You are not confirming that the contents in the package are in good shape.

You are not confirming that the contents are what you ordered. Likewise, validation is confirming that the other person has specific feelings.Validation occurs when we confirm, mostly through words, that other people can have their own emotional experiences.A simple statement like, “It must be difficult and painful to have something like that occur,” can be validating.Saying to someone, “I understand,” is typically not helpful and tends to minimize their feelings.How can we possibly understand what someone else is going through even if we have had a similar experience?Validation is not agreeing with their emotional experience, it is reassuring them that it is okay for them to feel the way they do.