Of course, this embarrassed my parents and those around me.

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I didn’t have many friends and was even sometimes bullied.

My parents, who were well-meaning and wanted me to be happy, tried to help me fit in.

Because it felt impossible for me to maintain all of that, I began to hate myself. I started to have more meltdowns than ever and experience intense periods of suicidality.

I was eventually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, a condition usually considered to stem from a pathological fear of abandonment.

I have spent a lot of time trying to convince myself and others that I do not have Borderline Personality Disorder.

It’s true that my fear of abandonment has been a driving force throughout my life.

Who are not so comfortable or able to thrive on their own?

What if there are people who do crave the acceptance, approval, and love of another to feel truly fulfilled? Wouldn’t it make sense for those people to feel the pain of abandonment more strongly, and to fear that abandonment more deeply?

I was absolutely convinced that I did not deserve him.

How could someone like — awkward, weird, unattractive, emotional?

Sometimes, my own perfectionism, lack of sleep, and terror of not being good enough got the best of me.