On the contrary, my loss is your gain — the more for you! Whether it’s an all-out Axl Rose and Slash situation or more of a slow-simmering Keith Richards and Mick Jagger resentment, band bros have more drama than the “Real Housewives” cast.

But this will get more fucking annoying for you than the girls or the dudes in his band.

The language to me was so beautiful, and I was just drawn to it.

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As I got older, the writers changed — it became Camus, the movies became Resnais — but it was a continual mental dialogue between myself and much of French culture. But, nostalgically, I still fall in love every time I go there, I still want to see the same things that I saw in the books. No, I’m happy to see Apollinaire’s head, and Boulevard Saint-Germain, happy to see a statue of Baudelaire or Victor Hugo, and happy to see La Coupole There’s just something in the fact that they haven’t changed.

And also, thinking about Paris in the ’20s and going to Paris, there’s so much history there. I can still see my young self walking in the park where Marcel Proust used to walk.

Again and again I’d fall for the sensitive guitar player who wears eyeliner … But maybe you will be bothered by him missing your birthday because he has a gig in New Jersey, or inclined to paranoia that he’s got “a girl in every port.” Also, if you have pets or kids together, you should expect to do more of the care when he’s on tour. Again, these people aren’t worth getting jealous or insecure about. I might possibly be bitter because I got a song for Valentine’s Day one year which appeared to have been written that same day. If you’re someone who works a 9-to-5 job and requires a full night’s sleep like I do, this is not a match. This is just a fact about all creative folks — writers like myself, actors, musicians, whatever.

and again and again the same patterns would repeat themselves that led to us breaking up. I perfected the “watchful girlfriend off to the side” stance — not possessively hovering too close, but also making it clear to both him and the other chicks that I was watching. You’ll be expected to go to not just some gigs, but probably their shows. Make no mistake: these are all serious things to consider if you’re dating a successful musician. But if you’re also a night owl, then this relationship could work out great. We put our souls into what we do, so we can’t help but take it very, very personally if people don’t like it — even if we’ve become successful doing it professionally. If you go to bed with a writer, expect to wake up with shit written about you.

A few years ago, I had to swear off dating musicians. unless he’s being financially supported by Mommy and Daddy. Twenty-something and thirty-something men who don’t pay their own bills have a warped view of reality. To this day I can still remember an ex-boyfriend’s most ardent groupie: she once showed up at his apartment unannounced while I was over because she was “just in the neighborhood.” He thought she was ridiculous, but he had to be polite to her because she was such a major fan.

I’d been dating them since high school, both casual guitar-noodlers and career musicians who had songs on CW shows and their faces on T-shirts. If you’re comfortable with long absences, then this is great. Expect to pay for more than your share/everything, but don’t get trapped into supporting him financially at the expense of your own career. While there are plenty of musicians who have day jobs, there are than a few trust fund brats. Think Mel on “Flight Of The Conchords”: mostly harmless, just annoying. A song is not a present (at least in my book), unless your name is Elton John and the song is “Your Song.” But if you date a musician, especially an impoverished musician, he’s going to write you a song in lieu of a more appropriate gift. Blame it on going onstage every night at 11, but a lot of successful musicians are creatures of the night.

However, most of my band mates and musician friends basically live on a stack of pizza boxes, whisky, and Muscle Milk. If they are inspired to write something, whatever you're doing has to stop. Also, why is Smash Mouth your favorite band of all the time? All those songs I played you when we first met couldn't have been about you.

I sleep on an awesome bed in a great apartment, full of color and life, and have only vomited on my own floor once and that was years ago and I had the flu. Then they cannot be your favorite band of all time. Get ready to listen to a bunch of songs about their exes.

This way, I'll still talk to other people, but mentally I'm like, 2.