You have been wronged, and he’s the one who’s behaving badly.But there’s enormous power in inspecting your side of the street to see if there are messes you regret and want to clean up. Say, “I apologize for being disrespectful.” Watch your dignity return.And then this cycle will continue until you lose confidence completely in your own ability to take decisions.

And so, caste as a way of categorizing people has lost basis. Turn to that cousin/uncle/bhaabi of yours, who’s always been your close friend and whose judgment your parents trust.

Introduce your “him”/ “her” to them and then request them to bring the matter up with your parents.

Anticipate the concerns your parents might have regarding your intercaste marriage. For example, they might fear adverse reaction from relatives, or they might believe that intercaste marriages don’t work or that children of intercaste marriages face problems.

You must anticipate these and have counterarguments prepared.

It’s like trying to pen down the pros and cons of being racist against blacks.

So I’ve decided to help people in intercaste relationships convince their parents of their decisions. Prepare yourself before you go in for The Discussion.

Use these while discussing your relationship with your parents.

Try to pin down some reasons for the success or lack of it between these couples and explain how none of these reasons could be connected to caste.

One woman did this at her marriage counseling sessions, and her husband said, “I keep waiting for you to interrupt me but you’re not!

” She just smiled, and it wasn’t long before he moved back home.

This point is a bit extreme, but it works because sometimes in our folly we’re unable to see what’s right in front of us. Remind your parents why the caste system was originally started-for classifying people belonging to different professions.