A lot of people seem kind of creeped out by a scrawny guy with no muscles going up to every woman he sees and boasting of his BRUTE STRENGTH, but the Internet tells you that is because they are BETA CUCKOLD ORBITERS. Not wanting to end up on an autopsy table in Roswell, you explain that you’re a perfectly ordinary master hacker.Somebody told you once that Internet sites are sometimes inaccurate. How could you figure out which are the inaccurate ones using BRUTE STRENGTH? The government offers you a plea bargain: they’ll drop charges if you help the military with cyber-security.You can see how every insult, every failure, no matter how deserved, is a totally unexpected kick in the gut.

No one ever suspects you are anything more than very good at programming. Your handlers ask you to hack into the personal files of a mysterious new player on the world stage, a man named William who seems to have carved himself an empire in the Middle East. But you bother King William again, and next time I’m coming with a very real knife.” He jumps back out of the window.

You don’t find anything too damning, but you turn over what you’ve got. You call the police, and of course the CIA and NSA get involved, but he is never caught. The level of detective skills it would take in order to track you down and figure out your secret – it was astounding! You tell your handlers that you’re no longer up for the job.

Moments before your bones are ground in two by its fierce beak, you turn back into a human. You need to turn into a sparrow again, but the hawk is still there, grabbing on to one of your legs, refusing to let go of its prize just because of this momentary setback. You see enough geology to give scientists back on Earth excitement-induced seizures for the nest hundred years, if only you were to tell them about it, which you don’t. Starvation is a physical danger, so it doesn’t bother you, though every so often you do like to relax and eat a nice warm meal. And the Chinese translation of their user manual makes several basic errors that anybody with an encyclopaedic knowledge of relative clauses in Mandarin should have been able to figure out.

You frantically wave your arms and shout at it, trying to scare it away. You once read about something called Gell-Mann Amnesia, where physicists notice that everything the mainstream says about physics is laughably wrong but think the rest is okay, doctors notice that everything the mainstream says about medicine is laughably wrong but think the rest is okay, et cetera. Everyone is terrible at everything all the time, and it pisses you off.

He’s worried about sedition in the royal family, and wants your advice as a consultant for how to ensure his government is stable.

You travel to Riyadh, and find that the entire country is a mess. But the King is also an idiot, and refuses to believe you or listen to your recommendations. That’s what’s important and valuable in this twenty-first-century economy, right?

Freud can say whatever he wants against defense mechanisms, but without them, you’re defenseless. It always thinks that it is a good bear, a proper bear, that a bear-hating world has it out for them in particular. Green The first thing you do after taking the green pill is become a sparrow.

Your sessions are spent in incisive cutting into your clients’ deepest insecurities alternating with desperate reassurance that they are good people anyway. You knew, in a vague way, that men thought about sex all the time. But you realize that if you were as horny as they were all the time, you’d do much the same. You soar across the landscape, feeling truly free for the first time in your life.

Not because people are so bad, but because they’re so good. You must have read hundreds of minds by now, and it’s true. You almost believe it yourself, when you’re deep into a reading.