Questions that avoid the conversational boxes that turn a fun opportunity into a dull exchange.

" Assuming he's a good person overall who does some things that drive you nuts—and he's not a big, mean jerk, because big mean jerks do exist—finding a way to co-exist with those very un-dreamy problems is actually what's involved in doing everything you can to save the marriage. Confronting the possibility that fear is the prime mover in your decision can save you from possible regret.

One of most tortuous parts of a failing marriage is the wondering: Are things going to get better? Whether you decide to leave, or to stay in the marriage, you have to be able to love your spouse again, say Dr. Think about it this way: Leaving when you're still so angry and upset that you can't remember the time your husband tickled you silly in order to make you relax before dinner with his parents, or how he used to kiss you in the car at every red light, means that all you're taking with you into your new life is exactly that—rage and pain. Love for the person—especially at the moment you're least likely to feel love for him—is a sign that your decision to stay is one of those longed-for, sought-after, impossible-to-fake times in life when you know you're doing the right thing.

And once you do get a conversation started, it can be difficult to keep the conversation moving forward.

Which is why having some solid, standard questions handy can make it much easier to build and deepen a connection.

”) or too much like a job interview (“What do you want to be doing in five years? What you need aren’t just questions, but good questions.

More than that, you need to know what makes a question good, so you can come up with your own questions spontaneously, effectively, in the moment.But having prepared questions raises another issue.Too many guys ask girls questions that are either too boring (“Come here often? ”), too silly (“If you could be a flavor of Kool-Aid, what flavor would you be?It's crucial—and often illuminating—to investigate why the two of you haven't already ended your relationship.Yes, there may have been obligations, such as the kids or financial security, but was there something else, also? If you're in a troubled, miserable marriage, you're often focused on the miserable part.You are worthy of someone who does most of these things.