Excessive rumination about one's failures, however, is a surefire recipe for resentment and depression.

essential dating dumping guide-53

Writing and then talking with his therapist about his thoughts enabled him to let go of beating himself up in anger and also of drowning himself in self-pity.

Peter meanwhile gradually began to find ways to "get back on his own feet." He began feeling less desparate and terrified, moving forward toward safer ground.

Getting back on his feet involved reconnecting with old friends, and making contact with new ones as he pursued interests in activities he enjoyed.

He joined a book group, found a place with religious services that he liked. No need to play the same recording again and again.

Now it felt like a cozy place to read and enjoy time alone.

His loneliness, too, began to abate to the point that some evenings he even preferred staying home alone to running out to activites with others lest he drown in the pain of loss. For years Peter had reacted to Paulette's complaints about him with defensiveness.

He recalled the sports activities that in better times, he used to enjoy and returned to doing those activities again. Anger begets more anger, and repeatedly reminding himself how bad he felt was making the message 'a little bit louder and a litte bit worse' with each go-round.

To his relief, Peter began to experience his small apartment somewhat more positively.

"I'm told that there are two people who have created this negative dynamic, and yet I feel like the only person being punished here. I get up, I meditate, I swim, I go to work, I eat, I lift some weights, I meditate again and go to sleep. I'm not enjoying work (which would normally be a decent distraction), but feel I can't quit, as I have too many financial responsibilities I have to uphold. "I just want these feelings of ache and loneliness to go away." While Peter was suffering deeply, journaling in emails enabled Peter's initial thoughts and feelings to flow through a natural grieving and healing process.