But by God, these guys were seriously NOT LOOKING at women. To be sure, in case you’re wondering the women weren’t stealing a glimpse of a guy here and there either.

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They weren’t even tuned in to the “hottie radar” frequency.

I was, and remain, astonished by what I saw repeat itself over and over again.

It’s not unusual for our staff to have drinks/dinner/etc. I didn’t know him that well and I was sure it was innocent. It wasn’t totally appropriate, but he’s a beloved member here, and people see him going far with the association. This isn’t about you thinking too highly of yourself. I mean, in the most generous reading, he’s at a minimum trying to get to know you socially in a non-work way.

Fall meetings rolled around, and I was traveling to them, he messaged asking me the first night what was going on and I invited him along for drinks with a few colleagues and a members. Didn’t really interact with him, he was talking to one of the higher-ups from my association. I realize he added in the couch part, but it still doesn’t seem right. Maybe it was all innocent and I’m being a bit narcissistic thinking anything more of it. I’d hate to ruin his reputation, especially if it’s all in my head. In a less generous reading, he’s ignoring your polite signals of non-interest and trying to override them.

The question wasn’t a mere throwaway…some miscellaneous rant from a woman who couldn’t understand why she couldn’t even catch a man looking, let alone get him to approach her. And since I was on a road trip and passing through South Carolina, Georgia and Florida, I decided to do somewhat of a field study. And yes, most of us as guys know that it’s better when food shopping to perpetrate like you forgot something in the same aisle that hottie is on, just so you can justify backtracking to verify how sexy she really is.

At least in principle we understand all that stuff. Time after time dudes were strolling by fantastically hot women with virtually nothing on, apparently without even having noticed.

Going forward, I’ll only be approving well-articulated comments that add something new to the conversation.

Please read this other post before commenting to gain clarity on my gender-neutral position on human behavior.] —– A while back I was on a coaching call with a woman who happens to be smart, successful and beautiful. Granted, knowing how “approach anxiety” has a death grip on most mortal men, it’s not even like I was expecting to witness guys stopping bikini-clad hotties and getting their numbers.

(Frankly, there’s also an argument for looping in your employer even if step #2 does fix the problem, in case he’s doing this to multiple people in your organization or does it to other people in the future.