and if you come in here again I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor! They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

As the cab drives off Bill smiles at the first two drivers and gives a big thumbs up Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. I was wondering, your species seem to be very good at dodging them, you never seem to get squashed".

He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points". "Aaah" said Briar, "I will tell you how we do this, and come with me now and we will demonstrate the technique to your tribal members".

Joke Of The Week Jokes are unashamedly borrowed from many sources - that makes it research, not plagiarism. Oh, and the jokes are not guaranteed to make you laugh, only you can do that, but they are guaranteed to feature some of what people refer to as 'politically incorrect' language, you have been warned. A man is standing on top of the safety wall at the edge of a New York Skyscraper leaning towards certain death. " The man leans back away from the edge, "yes, yes I do" "Well so do I! Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

I made one up once and it got told by lots of people - can I claim copyright? I make no apologies for the jokes at the expense of good taste, nor any organised religion either; any church that can react to a comedian by publicly deriding him as a dangerous terrorist, whilst previously blessing the funerals of Pinochet and Franco, and perpetuating the abuse of tens of thousands of children deserves more ridicule than it gets. The doorman of the building bravely goes up to try and talk him down. , let's talk this thing..." The man takes one mini-step away from the edge The Doorman asks, "So which religion, which church are you? He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. OK - if you don't know what Freecycle is, I highly recommend Googling it and discovering a world of recycling that can help your junk filing cabinet become someone else's useful office equipment, and their set of cookery books yours..it were.

" "Northern Baptist", said the man taking a good step back from the roof edge. , me too", said the doorman, "So, well, are you with the branch that sided with Pastor Corey? On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. Bath-Wotton - Used toothpaste tubes - collectors items Gloucester - Christmas Cards, all have one side unmarked Bussage - Lilac tree stump, dug out of my parents a week ago Sapperton - large rock, will not fit in estate car Leeds - 4 radiators, various sizes, collector to disconnect from flat Stroud - Black & White TV - not working Nottingham - Newspapers, large collection 1989-1993 plus firebrick making machine Chobham - Unique knitted Cardigan, made from natural Poodle wool, fit 8-12 year old. "Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth? " With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail.

' 'Sorry little duck, I told you yesterday, no duck food here. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.The cab driver goes mad and kicks him out of his cab. " So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he? "Hey rabbit, wonder if you can help us", he said "I'll be glad to try, Spikey", said the Rabbit.Bill now gets into the second cab and makes that driver the same proposition: a blow job for a lift home. So now Bill gets into the third taxi, the guy who ripped him off, and asks to be dropped a few blocks away. Tesco Pharmacy One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like hell. " Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies 'There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy. "The thing is, like it is now, at night, we are losing far too many fellow hogs to those devlish machines with bright eyes that move like thunder along the smooth black walkways..." "I'm a Christian", he says, "Baptist", "That's amazing, so am I! The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. But there is a side to Freecycle that I find very amusing so I thought I'd share, this is a list of some of the items posted as offered, (free of course), to those who want to email and collect...